Many of us have experienced rejection as we were growing up. Other kids, siblings, friends, relatives, and even parents were sometimes jealous of our good looks, intelligence, talents, and achievements. Therefore, we are afraid that people will not like us if we succeed. We may sabotage ourselves in order to be loved and accepted.
As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I had the opportunity to counsel many men, women and children. I learned about this unconscious fear of success from my clients. To help them reach their full potential and actualize their goals, I guided them though the HART process (Holistic And Rapid Transformation).
One of my clients, Mary, discovered that she often got sick in elementary school, because she was very bright and the kids rejected her. By missing many classes, Mary's grades dropped and she was more accepted by her peers. Mary was shocked when she realized that she was still following the same pattern in her adult life. She then understood why she was not allowing herself to be healthy, or successful in her career.
We can also have adult fears of being all that we are. One all too common example is demonstrated with Sandy's story. She was a forty-two-year-old single parent who felt she was a failure in her commercial real estate job. Sandy was not making enough money to support her three children.
I said, "Sandy, close your eyes and visualize yourself doing well and earning the amount of money you want. How are you feeling?" Sandy replied, "Scared!" When I asked her what she was afraid of, Sandy replied, "I am afraid if I make a lot of money, no man will want me."
I then asked Sandy if she was willing to believe that she could have the career, the money and the relationship she wanted. She said, "Yes." Since visualization is very powerful, I led her in a process to see herself financially abundant and in a loving relationship
A month later, Sandy called me and said, "Helene, I think you had better sit down. I earned $40,000 this month!"
That is how quickly this process can work. It is not magic, although it proves how powerful we are to create what we want. Sandy was unconsciously pushing away financial success, because she was afraid that men would not like her. When she released that fear, she allowed prosperity into her life.
The fear that people will not like you if you are successful can stop you in any area of your life. I often hear people say, "My sibling will reject me if I do too well." "My husband will feel threatened if I earn too much money." "People will not play will me if I am too good." "Other employees will resent me if I get a promotion." My best friend will be upset if I am thinner than her." "My friends will be jealous if I am in a relationship."
We often unconsciously hold ourselves back from reaching our true potential and being happy, because we are afraid of being rejected and being alone. What is important to realize is that our relationships have problems when we do not feel free to fulfill ourselves. That is, we often feel resentful and angry when we hold ourselves back. Those negative feelings hurt us and our relationships.
When we allow ourselves to actualize what we want in our lives, we attract people who accept and support our happiness. Also, when we are successful, we provide a healthy model for others who really want to reach their own potential. Therefore, being successful is a gift to them and you. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and successful. Go for it!
©2007 Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. The article is excerpts from her new book, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!” She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, posters, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.
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CAREER
ASSESSMENT TIME?
If you need a change in career path, you should be taking a closer look at your particular abilities and interests, which will go a long way in helping you to make better choices when facing critical decisions that decide your employment direction.
Before setting your goals in stone, try pondering the things you enjoy doing more than anything else, the particular skills you possess, and how the challenges that lie ahead might impact you and your family's future. At some point you'll want to ask yourself some of the following questions:
- Where do I currently stand in terms of career development?
- What are my interests, strengths and abilities as they relate to my future goals?
- Have I identified various programs and training that will assist me in my journey to reach my goals?
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